Claudius persuades Laertes that he was not responsible for Polonius's death and identifies Hamlet as their common enemy. After learning Hamlet has returned, Claudius and Laertes devise a fencing match using an unblunted, poisoned blade and a poisoned cup. Gertrude announces that Ophelia has drowned after falling from a willow into a brook.
SCENE I. A churchyard.
Enter two Clowns with spades, &c.
FIRST CLOWN
Is she to be buried in Christian burial, when she wilfully seeks her own salvation?
SECOND CLOWN
I tell thee she is, and therefore make her grave straight. The crowner hath sat on her, and finds it Christian burial.
FIRST CLOWN
How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her own defence?
SECOND CLOWN
Why, ’tis found so.
FIRST CLOWN
It must be se offendendoa mock-legal Latin phrase meaning ‘by offending against himself’, referring to suicide., it cannot be else.For here lies the point: if I drown myself wittingly, it argues an act: and an act hath three branches.It is to act, to do, and to perform: argaltherefore., she drowned herself wittingly.
SECOND CLOWN
Nay, but hear you, goodman delver,—
FIRST CLOWN
Give me leave. Here lies the water; good.Here stands the man; good.If the man go to this water and drown himself, it is, will he nill he, he goes,—mark you that.But if the water come to him and drown him, he drowns not himself.Argal, he that is not guilty of his own death shortens not his own life.
SECOND CLOWN
But is this law?
FIRST CLOWN
Ay, marry, is’t, crowner’s quest lawthe law governing a coroner’s official inquiry into the cause and circumstances of a death..
SECOND CLOWN
Will you ha’ the truth on’t? If this had not been a gentlewoman, she should have been buried out o’ Christian burial.
FIRST CLOWN
Why, there thou say’st. And the more pity that great folk should have countenance in this world to drown or hang themselves more than their even Christian. Come, my spade.There is no ancient gentlemen but gardeners, ditchers, and grave-makers: they hold up Adam’s profession.
SECOND CLOWN
Was he a gentleman?
FIRST CLOWN
He was the first that ever bore arms.
SECOND CLOWN
Why, he had none.
FIRST CLOWN
What, art a heathen? How dost thou understand the Scripture?The Scripture says Adam digg’d.Could he dig without arms?I’ll put another question to thee.If thou answerest me not to the purpose, confess thyself—
SECOND CLOWN
Go to.
FIRST CLOWN
What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter?
SECOND CLOWN
The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants.
FIRST CLOWN
I like thy wit well in good faith, the gallows does well. But how does it well?It does well to those that do ill.Now, thou dost ill to say the gallows is built stronger than the church; argal, the gallows may do well to thee. To’t again, come.
SECOND CLOWN
Who builds stronger than a mason, a shipwright, or a carpenter?
FIRST CLOWN
Ay, tell me that, and unyoke.
SECOND CLOWN
Marry, now I can tell.
FIRST CLOWN
To’t.
SECOND CLOWN
Mass, I cannot tell.
Enter Hamlet and Horatio, at a distance.
FIRST CLOWN
Cudgel thy brains no more about it, for your dull ass will not mend his pace with beating; and when you are asked this question next, say ‘a grave-maker’.The houses he makes last till doomsday.Go, get thee to Yaughanan alehouse keeper from whom Hamlet asks that drink be fetched.; fetch me a stoupa drinking vessel or large cup. of liquor.
Exit Second Clown.
FIRST CLOWN
Digs and sings.
FIRST CLOWN
In youth when I did love, did love,Methought it was very sweet;To contract, O, the time for, a, my behove,O methought there was nothing meet.
HAMLET
Has this fellow no feeling of his business, that he sings at grave-making?
HORATIO
Custom hath made it in him a property of easinessa disposition towards easy compliance or yielding..
HAMLET
’Tis e’en so; the hand of little employment hath the daintier sense.
FIRST CLOWN
Sings.But age with his stealing stepsHath claw’d me in his clutch,And hath shipp’d me into the land,As if I had never been such.
Throws up a skull.
HAMLET
That skull had a tongue in it, and could sing once.How the knave jowlsto knock or dash roughly. it to th’ ground, as if ’twere Cain’s jawbone, that did the first murder!This might be the pate of a politician which this ass now o’er-officesto act officiously towards or take excessive charge of., one that would circumvent God, might it not?
HORATIO
It might, my lord.
HAMLET
Or of a courtier, which could say ‘Good morrow, sweet lord! How dost thou, good lord?’ This might be my lord such-a-one, that praised my lord such-a-one’s horse when he meant to beg it, might it not?
HORATIO
Ay, my lord.
HAMLET
Why, e’en so: and now my Lady Worm’s; chapless, and knocked about the mazardthe head or skull. with a sexton’s spade.Here’s fine revolution, an we had the trick to see’t.Did these bones cost no more the breeding but to play at loggetsa small log used as a missile in a throwing game. with ’em? Mine ache to think on’t.
FIRST CLOWN
Sings.A pickaxe and a spade, a spade,For andAnd furthermore; and also. a shrouding-sheet;O, a pit of clay for to be madeFor such a guest is meet.
Throws up another skull.
HAMLET
There’s another. Why may not that be the skull of a lawyer?Where be his quidditsa subtle legal distinction, argument, or evasion. now, his quilletsa subtle legal distinction, argument, or evasion., his cases, his tenuresthe conditions under which land or property is held., and his tricks?Why does he suffer this rude knave now to knock him about the sconce with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him of his action of batteryA legal proceeding brought for unlawful physical violence against a person.? Hum.This fellow might be in’s time a great buyer of land, with his statutesa formal bond acknowledging and securing a debt under statute law., his recognizancesA formal legal obligation, acknowledged before a court, to perform an act or pay a specified sum., his fines, his double vouchersA legal device in a common recovery involving two successive persons called upon to warrant the title to land., his recoveriesA legal process or judgement by which possession or title to property is obtained..Is this the fine of his fines, and the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine dirt?Will his vouchers vouch him no more of his purchases, and double ones too, than the length and breadth of a pair of indenturesa legal deed or written agreement.?The very conveyancesa legal deed transferring ownership of property. of his lands will scarcely lie in this box; and must the inheritor himself have no more, ha?
HORATIO
Not a jot more, my lord.
HAMLET
Is not parchment made of sheep-skins?
HORATIO
Ay, my lord, and of calf-skins too.
HAMLET
They are sheep and calves which seek out assurancea legal deed or conveyance securing ownership of property. in that. I will speak to this fellow.—Whose grave’s this, sir?
FIRST CLOWN
Mine, sir.Sings.O, a pit of clay for to be madeFor such a guest is meet.
HAMLET
I think it be thine indeed, for thou liest in’t.
FIRST CLOWN
You lie out on’t, sir, and therefore ’tis not yours.For my part, I do not lie in’t, yet it is mine.
HAMLET
Thou dost lie in’t, to be in’t and say it is thine. ’Tis for the dead, not for the quick; therefore thou liest.
FIRST CLOWN
’Tis a quick lie, sir; ’t will away again from me to you.
HAMLET
What man dost thou dig it for?
FIRST CLOWN
For no man, sir.
HAMLET
What woman then?
FIRST CLOWN
For none neither.
HAMLET
Who is to be buried in’t?
FIRST CLOWN
One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she’s dead.
HAMLET
How absolute the knave is!We must speak by the card, or equivocation will undo us.By the Lord, Horatio, these three years I have taken note of it, the age is grown so picked that the toe of the peasant comes so near the heel of the courtier he galls his kibean inflamed chilblain, especially on the heel..—How long hast thou been a grave-maker?
FIRST CLOWN
Of all the days i’ th’ year, I came to’t that day that our last King Hamlet o’ercame Fortinbras.
HAMLET
How long is that since?
FIRST CLOWN
Cannot you tell that? Every fool can tell that. It was the very day that young Hamlet was born,—he that is mad, and sent into England.
HAMLET
Ay, marry, why was he sent into England?
FIRST CLOWN
Why, because he was mad; he shall recover his wits there; or if he do not, it’s no great matter there.
HAMLET
Why?
FIRST CLOWN
’Twill not be seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he.
HAMLET
How came he mad?
FIRST CLOWN
Very strangely, they say.
HAMLET
How strangely?
FIRST CLOWN
Faith, e’en with losing his wits.
HAMLET
Upon what ground?
FIRST CLOWN
Why, here in Denmark. I have been sexton here, man and boy, thirty years.
HAMLET
How long will a man lie i’ th’earth ere he rot?
FIRST CLOWN
Faith, if he be not rotten before he die,—as we have many pockyinfected with syphilis. corses nowadays that will scarce hold the laying in,—he will last you some eight year or nine year. A tanner will last you nine year.
HAMLET
Why he more than another?
FIRST CLOWN
Why, sir, his hide is so tann’d with his trade that he will keep out water a great while.And your water is a sore decayer of your whoreson dead body.Here’s a skull now; this skull hath lain in the earth three-and-twenty years.
HAMLET
Whose was it?
FIRST CLOWN
A whoreson, mad fellow’s it was. Whose do you think it was?
HAMLET
Nay, I know not.
FIRST CLOWN
A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! A pour’d a flagon of Rhenish on my head once. This same skull, sir, was Yorick’s skull, the King’s jester.
HAMLET
This?
FIRST CLOWN
E’en that.
HAMLET
Let me see. Alas, poor Yorick.I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.He hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.Here hung those lips that I have kiss’d I know not how oft.Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar?Not one now, to mock your own grinning? Quite chop-fallen?Now get you to my lady’s chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come.Make her laugh at that.—Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.
HORATIO
What’s that, my lord?
HAMLET
Dost thou think Alexander looked o’ this fashion i’ th’earth?
HORATIO
E’en so.
HAMLET
And smelt so? Pah!
Throws down the skull.
HORATIO
E’en so, my lord.
HAMLET
To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander till he find it stopping a bung-hole?
HORATIO
’Twere to consider too curiously to consider so.
HAMLET
No, faith, not a jot. But to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it; as thus. Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we make loam; and why of that loam whereto he was converted might they not stop a beer-barrel?Imperious Caesar, dead and turn’d to clay,Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.O, that that earth which kept the world in aweShould patch a wall t’expel the winter’s flaw.But soft! but soft! aside! Here comes the King.
Enter priests, &c, in procession; the corpse of Ophelia, Laertes and Mourners following; King, Queen, their Trains, &c.
HAMLET
The Queen, the courtiers. Who is that they follow?And with such maimed rites? This doth betokenThe corse they follow did with desperate handFordo it own life. ’Twas of some estate.Couch we awhile and mark.
Retiring with Horatio.
LAERTES
What ceremony else?
HAMLET
That is Laertes, a very noble youth. Mark.
LAERTES
What ceremony else?
PRIEST
Her obsequies have been as far enlarg’dAs we have warranties. Her death was doubtful;And but that great command o’ersways the order,She should in ground unsanctified have lodg’dTill the last trumpet. For charitable prayers,Shards, flints, and pebbles should be thrown on her.Yet here she is allowed her virgin rites,Her maiden strewmentsflowers or other materials scattered over a grave or funeral place., and the bringing homeOf bell and burial.
LAERTES
Must there no more be done?
PRIEST
No more be done.We should profane the service of the deadTo sing sage requiem and such rest to herAs to peace-parted souls.
LAERTES
Lay her i’ th’earth,And from her fair and unpolluted fleshMay violets spring. I tell thee, churlish priest,A minist’ring angel shall my sister beWhen thou liest howling.
HAMLET
What, the fair Ophelia?
QUEEN
Sweets to the sweet. Farewell.I hop’d thou shouldst have been my Hamlet’s wife;I thought thy bride-bed to have deck’d, sweet maid,And not have strew’d thy grave.
LAERTES
O, treble woeFall ten times treble on that cursed headWhose wicked deed thy most ingenious senseDepriv’d thee of. Hold off the earth a while,Till I have caught her once more in mine arms.Leaps into the grave.Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead,Till of this flat a mountain you have made,To o’ertop old PelionMount Pelion in Thessaly, which Greek myth says the giants piled upon Mount Ossa in their assault on heaven. or the skyish headOf blue Olympus.
HAMLET
Advancing.What is he whose griefBears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrowConjures the wand’ring stars, and makes them standLike wonder-wounded hearers? This is I,Hamlet the Dane.Leaps into the grave.
LAERTES
The devil take thy soul!
HAMLET
Thou pray’st not well.I prithee take thy fingers from my throat;For though I am not splenativehot-tempered, impetuous, and quick to anger. and rash,Yet have I in me something dangerous,Which let thy wiseness fear. Away thy hand!
KING
Pluck them asunder.
QUEEN
Hamlet! Hamlet!
QUEEN
All.Gentlemen!
HORATIO
Good my lord, be quiet.
The Attendants part them, and they come out of the grave.
HAMLET
Why, I will fight with him upon this themeUntil my eyelids will no longer wag.
QUEEN
O my son, what theme?
HAMLET
I lov’d Ophelia; forty thousand brothersCould not, with all their quantity of love,Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?
KING
O, he is mad, Laertes.
QUEEN
For love of God forbear him!
HAMLET
’Swounds, show me what thou’lt do:Woul’t weep? woul’t fight? woul’t fast? woul’t tear thyself?Woul’t drink up eiselVinegar or another sharply sour liquid.? eat a crocodile?I’ll do’t. Dost thou come here to whine?To outface me with leaping in her grave?Be buried quick with her, and so will I.And if thou prate of mountains, let them throwMillions of acres on us, till our ground,Singeing his pate against the burning zone,Make OssaMount Ossa in Thessaly, which Greek myth says the Giants piled upon Mount Pelion in their attempt to reach heaven. like a wart. Nay, an thou’lt mouth,I’ll rant as well as thou.
QUEEN
This is mere madness:And thus awhile the fit will work on him;Anon, as patient as the female dove,When that her golden couplets are disclos’d,His silence will sit drooping.
HAMLET
Hear you, sir;What is the reason that you use me thus?I lov’d you ever. But it is no matter.Let Hercules himself do what he may,The cat will mew, and dog will have his day.
Exit.
KING
I pray thee, good Horatio, wait upon him.
Exit Horatio.
KING
To LaertesStrengthen your patience in our last night’s speech;We’ll put the matter to the present push.—Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son.This grave shall have a living monument.An hour of quiet shortly shall we see;Till then in patience our proceeding be.