Save thee, friend, and thy music. Dost thou live by thy tabor?
CLOWN
No, sir, I live by the church.
VIOLA
Art thou a churchman?
CLOWN
No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the church.
VIOLA
So thou mayst say the king lies by a beggar, if a beggar dwell near him; or the church stands by thy tabor, if thy tabor stand by the church.
CLOWN
You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is but a chev’rilSoft, highly stretchable leather made from kidskin. glove to a good wit. How quickly the wrong side may be turned outward!
VIOLA
Nay, that’s certain; they that dally nicely with words may quickly make them wanton.
CLOWN
I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
VIOLA
Why, man?
CLOWN
Why, sir, her name’s a word; and to dally with that word might make my sister wanton. But indeed, words are very rascals, since bonds disgraced them.
VIOLA
Thy reason, man?
CLOWN
Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words, and words are grown so false, I am loath to prove reasonto demonstrate what is reasonable or true. with them.
VIOLA
I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car’st for nothing.
CLOWN
Not so, sir, I do care for something. But in my conscience, sir, I do not care for you. If that be to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.
VIOLA
Art not thou the Lady Olivia’s fool?
CLOWN
No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly.She will keep no fool, sir, till she be married, and fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to herrings, the husband’s the bigger.I am indeed not her fool, but her corrupter of words.
VIOLA
I saw thee late at the Count Orsino’s.
CLOWN
Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun; it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be as oft with your master as with my mistressThat it should not happen that; unless.. I think I saw your wisdom there.
VIOLA
Nay, and thou pass upon me, I’ll no more with thee. Hold, there’s expenses for thee.
CLOWN
Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!
VIOLA
By my troth, I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for one, though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy lady within?
CLOWN
Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
VIOLA
Yes, being kept together, and put to use.
CLOWN
I would play Lord Pandarusa go-between in a love affair or procurer, named after Pandarus, who brought Troilus and Cressida together. of Phrygiaan ancient region of Asia Minor associated with Troy and the Trojans., sir, to bring a CressidaCressida, the Trojan woman famed in medieval legend for betraying her lover Troilus and therefore proverbial for unfaithfulness. to this Troilus.
VIOLA
I understand you, sir; ’tis well beggedto have someone declared legally incapable and placed under guardianship, allowing the guardian control of their estate..
CLOWN
The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir.I will consterTo construe or interpret. to them whence you come; who you are and what you would are out of my welkin.I might say “element”, but the word is overworn.
Exit.
VIOLA
This fellow is wise enough to play the fool,And to do that well, craves a kind of wit:He must observe their mood on whom he jests,The quality of persons, and the time,And like the haggardA wild, untrained adult female hawk., checkIn falconry, to turn aside from the intended quarry and pursue another bird. at every featherThat comes before his eye. This is a practiceAs full of labour as a wise man’s art:For folly, that he wisely shows, is fit;But wise men, folly-fall’n, quite taint their wit.
Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew.
SIR TOBY
Save you, gentleman.
VIOLA
And you, sir.
SIR ANDREW
Dieu vous garde, monsieurFrench for ‘God keep you, sir’, used as a courteous greeting..
VIOLA
Et vous aussi; votre serviteurFrench for ‘and you too; your servant’, a courteous expression of reciprocal regard and leave-taking..
SIR ANDREW
I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours.
SIR TOBY
Will you encounter the house? My niece is desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.
VIOLA
I am bound to your niece, sir, I mean, she is the listTo wish, choose, or be pleased to do something. of my voyage.
SIR TOBY
Taste your legs, sir, put them to motion.
VIOLA
My legs do better understand me, sir, than I understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.
SIR TOBY
I mean, to go, sir, to enter.
VIOLA
I will answer you with gait and entrance: but we are prevented.
Enter Olivia and Maria.
VIOLA
Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain odours on you!
SIR ANDREW
That youth’s a rare courtier. ‘Rain odours,’ well.
VIOLA
My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own most pregnant and vouchsafed ear.
SIR ANDREW
‘Odours,’ ‘pregnant,’ and ‘vouchsafed.’—I’ll get ’em all three ready.
OLIVIA
Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.
Exeunt Sir Toby, Sir Andrew and Maria.
OLIVIA
Give me your hand, sir.
VIOLA
My duty, madam, and most humble service.
OLIVIA
What is your name?
VIOLA
Cesario is your servant’s name, fair princess.
OLIVIA
My servant, sir! ’Twas never merry world,Since lowly feigning was call’d compliment:Y’are servant to the Count Orsino, youth.
VIOLA
And he is yours, and his must needs be yours.Your servant’s servant is your servant, madam.
OLIVIA
For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,Would they were blanks rather than fill’d with me!
VIOLA
Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughtsOn his behalf.
OLIVIA
O, by your leave, I pray you.I bade you never speak again of him.But would you undertake another suit,I had rather hear you to solicit thatThan music from the spheres.
VIOLA
Dear lady—
OLIVIA
Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,After the last enchantment you did here,A ring in chase of you. So did I abuseMyself, my servant, and, I fear me, you.Under your hard construction must I sit;To force that on you in a shameful cunning,Which you knew none of yours. What might you think?Have you not set mine honour at the stake,And baited it with all th’ unmuzzled thoughtsThat tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receivingEnough is shown. A cypressa fine, transparent fabric, often black and used for veils or mourning dress., not a bosom,Hides my heart: so let me hear you speak.
VIOLA
I pity you.
OLIVIA
That’s a degree to love.
VIOLA
No, not a grizeA step or degree in a progression or ascent.; for ’tis a vulgar proofThat very oft we pity enemies.
OLIVIA
Why then methinks ’tis time to smile again.O world, how apt the poor are to be proud!If one should be a prey, how much the betterTo fall before the lion than the wolf!The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you.And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,Your wife is like to reap a proper man.There lies your way, due west.
VIOLA
Then westward ho!Grace and good disposition attend your ladyship!You’ll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?
OLIVIA
Stay:I prithee tell me what thou think’st of me.
VIOLA
That you do think you are not what you are.
OLIVIA
If I think so, I think the same of you.
VIOLA
Then think you right; I am not what I am.
OLIVIA
I would you were as I would have you be.
VIOLA
Would it be better, madam, than I am?I wish it might, for now I am your fool.
OLIVIA
O what a deal of scorn looks beautifulIn the contempt and anger of his lip!A murd’rous guilt shows not itself more soonThan love that would seem hid. Love’s night is noon.Cesario, by the roses of the spring,By maidhood, honour, truth, and everything,I love thee so, that maugreIn spite of; against the will of. all thy pride,Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause;But rather reason thus with reason fetter:Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.
VIOLA
By innocence I swear, and by my youth,I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth,And that no woman has; nor never noneShall mistress be of it, save I alone.And so adieu, good madam; never moreWill I my master’s tears to you deplore.
OLIVIA
Yet come again: for thou perhaps mayst moveThat heart, which now abhors, to like his love.